Separation and Divorce – When Love Reaches Its Limits

High Expectations – High Divorce Rates

Never before have our expectations of relationships been as high as they are today. We want emotional closeness, deep connection, passion, shared values, and all of this with a partner who fulfills our desires and needs before we can even guess at them, let alone articulate them.
This is an ideal that overwhelms many relationships—and perhaps one reason why about a third of all marriages in Germany fail sooner or later.

In 2024, around 129,300 marriages ended in divorce. The highest divorce rates are in Berlin (42.5%) and Hamburg (40.2%), the lowest in Saxony (29.8%) and Bavaria (31.4%). North Rhine-Westphalia is in the upper mid-range at 35.4%. In 2024, the average length of marriage until divorce was 14.8 years – slightly higher than before.

Most divorces occur after 3-5 years (“initial crisis,” 15.3%), 6-9 years (“seven-year crisis,” 23.1%), and between 10-15 (21.4%) and 15-20 years (15.8%), even though the trend tends to decline steadily after the so-called seven-year crisis. Between 20-25 years, in the “empty nest phase,” we still have a divorce rate of 11.2%.
These figures show that every relationship goes through critical phases. Those who take a look early on and seek support can often avoid separation – or at least make it respectful.

Divorce Without a War of Roses: A Respectful Separation as Parents

In my work as a couples counselor and therapist, I see time and again that many couples look for someone to blame when their relationship breaks down. But separations do not arise from a single action—they are the result of how the relationship has been lived from the beginning.
How we communicate, negotiate or avoid conflicts, create closeness or allow distance – all of this shapes whether a relationship lasts. As long as both partners remain stuck in mutual recriminations, any further development remains blocked.

Especially when children are involved, it is crucial that parents take responsibility. Legal proceedings are sometimes necessary – but they should never become a venue for personal revenge. What really affects children is not so much the separation itself, but how their parents treat each other.
In 2024, around 111,000 minor children in Germany were directly affected by their parents' divorce. Ugly separations, in which parents engage in power struggles, leave deep emotional scars. Children feel torn, guilty, or internally responsible for their parents' suffering.

Appreciative and solution-oriented communication between parents is therefore the greatest gift they can give their children during this difficult time.
Many separations escalate in court. It's about custody, alimony, or property—but often also about hurt feelings and unresolved resentments. For children, this is the worst path parents can take.

As family therapist Jesper Juul said, “Psychology always loses when it finds itself in the same room with the law.”

Separation and divorce are among the most painful experiences in life. But they don't have to be a destructive drama. Professional separation counseling helps couples and parents to shape this process in a conscious and respectful way for themselves and their children.

At my private practice in the Düsseldorf area, I offer empathetic and solution-oriented separation counseling for couples and parents—in person or online.

As a couples counselor and therapist, I will help you

• understand and sort through your emotions,
• transform guilt and anger into responsibility
• and build a stable parental relationship despite the separation.

This allows you—and above all your children—to experience the change as an opportunity, not a catastrophe. Because even if the partnership ends, parenthood remains—and it can be a success.

If you are looking for separation support in the Düsseldorf area, or need divorce counseling as parents, you don’t have to go through this alone.

Schedule a confidential consultation today to learn how professional guidance can help you and your family find stability and peace after separation.