What Strong Relationships Have in Common With Successful Teams

Research shows that the best teams and the strongest couples are surprisingly similar:

1. They have a common understanding of their roles and responsibilities, including boundaries.
2. You feel safe to address conflicts and disagreements without being devalued or punished for it.
3. They know what they want to build together. They share a common vision and motivation that goes beyond their own advantages. The "we" is more important than the "I".

Jennifer Petriglieri has developed a guide in her book "Couples That Work: How to Thrive in Love and at Work" to help dual career couples position themselves well for the double burden of career and family life.

A central idea is that couples do not primarily need perfect balance but must always negotiate together what is important to them, what limits really exist and what they are afraid of.

The guiding question should be: What do we want from life and how will we ensure that we get it from each other?

Why is it important that we think about this? A partnership with child and career requires a high-performance team. And yet, in the words of Lauren Smith Brody, partnership or marriage is "the easiest relationship to ignore" and at the same time the most important.

Regular communication is key on the following three points:

1. Values: What is part of a good life for you?

For Petriglieri, values are the starting point for joint decisions. There can be very different values behind it: professional development, financial security, proximity to the extended family, autonomy, adventure, belonging, geographical roots, etc.

What do we want to build together – and what do each of us not want to lose in the process?

2. Boundaries: Where is my limit and where is your limit? What do we want to and can we support?

This is a matter of distinguishing reality from wishful thinking. Petriglieri recommends that couples make such restrictions explicit and consciously define boundaries instead of renegotiating ad hoc each time.

Restrictions can be, for example: childcare, financial obligations, place of residence, visas, care of relatives, available work opportunities or the fact that two certain career steps at the same time are simply not geographically possible.

3. Fears: What fears do you have about the future? What do you fear most about the combination of career and relationship?

Petriglieri emphasizes that couples should openly name these fears. If they remain unspoken, they often influence joint decisions indirectly.

Successful dual career couples are constantly renegotiating their joint life and career design. They know each other's values, clarify their boundaries and talk about the fears that shape their decisions.

Both should give each other a secure basis: enough stability to leave the comfort zone, try new things and develop further. However, this support must not become permanently one-sided. When one person develops while the other carries the emotional and organizational burden in the long run, bitterness and resentment easily arise. Therefore, both should be able to provide support – not always at the same time, but alternately – and receive support themselves.