My Path to Couples Therapy

Sometimes, a professional path begins long before we know it might one day become our work. For me, it began with listening, observing and sensing.

As a child, I was fascinated by the stories adults told around me. I especially remember the stories of my grandmother. On summer evenings, while we waited on the bench in front of her house for the cows to return from the pasture, she would tell me about the people in her small village in Transylvania, Romania.

She spoke about neighbours, friends, family members and acquaintances. About love stories, difficult marriages, hidden relationships, disappointments, separations and reconciliations.

In that village, everyone seemed to know something about everyone else: who was connected to whom, officially or unofficially; who seemed happy; and where, beneath the surface, something else could be felt.

I listened closely to those stories. But even then, I was not only listening to the words. I was also sensing what remained unspoken.

I noticed when the atmosphere in a room changed. I could often feel when someone was outwardly calm but inwardly hurt, tense or emotionally far away. I sensed when there was more behind a sentence than what was actually being said.

Back then, I did not have words for this sensitivity.

Today, I know that this ability to perceive nuances, emotional shifts and unspoken dynamics is an essential part of my work as a couples therapist.

Couples Therapy Is My Second Career.

Before founding my practice for couples counselling and couples therapy in Düsseldorf, I spent 15 years working as a project manager in science and industry — in international, demanding and often highly complex environments.

I led change processes, coordinated teams, worked through conflicts and learned how essential communication, trust and clarity are when people want to move something forward together.

Looking back, this was not a detour. It was part of the path. Because relationships are complex systems too.

They also involve change, communication, trust, responsibility and the question of how two people can stay connected under pressure — instead of losing each other in everyday life, conflict or old patterns.

Why Relationship Skills Became So Important to Me

My deep interest in couple relationships did not begin only professionally. It also began personally.

I wanted to understand what truly holds relationships together — and what helps couples stay connected when daily life, work, children or crises create pressure.

After a difficult phase in my own relationship, I began to explore the world of couple dynamics, attachment patterns and relationship skills more deeply. One of the first books that had a lasting impact on me was by John and Julie Gottman: The Five Conflicts Every Couple Has … and How to Grow Your Love Through Them.

The more I learned about conflict, emotional connection, repair, recurring patterns and the deeper needs underneath arguments, the stronger my impression became: If more people had access to this knowledge, there might be fewer separations, fewer divorces and more emotionally stable families.

That was a turning point for me.

What had started as a personal interest slowly became a professional decision. And what had once been an early fascination became a heartfelt mission.

I began investing many hours in training, supervision and continuing education. I read, studied, practised and learned from experienced couples therapists. Step by step, this path led me to open my own practice for couples counselling and couples therapy in Düsseldorf.

What Shapes My Work Today

Today, I combine my experience in complex change processes with my passion for relationships, communication and emotional connection.

My work is structured, clear and goal-oriented — but also deeply empathic towards what couples bring into the room: their shared history, their wounds, their hopes and often the quiet question of whether things can become different again.

I believe that relationship skills can be learned.

Most of us learned many things in school. But very few of us learned how to build and maintain a healthy romantic relationship.

We rarely learned how to have difficult conversations. How to repair after emotional injuries. How to stay connected while also remaining true to ourselves. How to understand what happens between two people in moments of conflict instead of simply reacting.

Many of us also did not grow up with helpful relationship role models in our families of origin. But this does not have to define the future.

In my work, I support couples in recognising their patterns, understanding each other more deeply and finding new ways of relating.

Not by asking one partner to change the other. But by helping both partners understand what is happening between them — and how they can respond differently.

For me, couples therapy is not about finding someone to blame. It is about making the dynamic between two people visible: the recurring loops, the protective strategies, the unspoken needs and the emotional injuries that often lie underneath anger, withdrawal or criticism.

Many couples come to me because they feel: We cannot continue like this.

They may still function in everyday life. They manage work, children, responsibilities, appointments and obligations. But emotionally, they feel less and less connected.

Other couples come at a turning point: after a crisis, after an affair, after years of recurring conflict or when facing the painful question of whether to stay or leave.

And some couples seek support not because everything is about to fall apart, but because they want to strengthen their relationship consciously and proactively.

For Couples Who Want to Create Real Change

My work is for couples who do not simply want to keep functioning, but who want to understand what is happening between them.

It is for couples who want to grow in their relationship as consciously as they do in other areas of life.

It is for people who often carry a lot of responsibility professionally, but notice that success, discipline and problem-solving skills alone are not enough to create emotional closeness at home.

It is for couples who long for more connection, honesty, clarity and aliveness.

And it is for anyone who wants to believe that change is possible — even if they have waited for a long time.

If you feel that something in your relationship needs to change, you do not have to walk this path alone.

In my practice for couples counselling and couples therapy in Düsseldorf and online, I support couples in understanding their patterns, having more honest conversations and rebuilding emotional connection.

You can find out more about my work and my offers at: www.reka-toeroek.de