Saving Your Relationship: When is it Most Likely to Succeed?

Many couples believe that the end of a relationship comes as a surprise. However, a recent study in couples therapy research shows that breakups announce themselves long in advance. Those who recognize the signs and act in time can save their relationship.

Researchers Prof. Dr. Janina Bühler (Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz) and Prof. Dr. Ulrich Orth (University of Bern) evaluated data from over 11,000 people in four countries. The result is clear: dissatisfaction in a relationship develops in two distinct phases.

Phase 1: Slow Decline in Satisfaction

Over several years, relationship satisfaction initially declines only slightly. Conflicts remain unresolved, intimacy decreases, expectations are not expressed. Many couples endure this phase – and hope that things will “get better on their own.”

Phase 2: The Turning Point

About one to two years before the breakup, there is a significant dip – the so-called “transition point.” From this point on, satisfaction declines rapidly. This phase lasts an average of 7 to 28 months. It almost always ends in separation.
It is noteworthy that partners perceive this turning point differently. Those who separate feel dissatisfaction earlier. The person who is left behind usually notices the deterioration late – shortly before the final end.

The study makes it clear that breakups rarely come suddenly. There are patterns that can be recognized early on. However, many couples only seek help when they are already in the final stages—and a breakup is almost inevitable.

In the early stages, on the other hand, there is a good chance of saving the relationship.

• Unhealthy relationship patterns can be reflected upon.
• Conflicts can be addressed and negotiated.
• Closeness and connection can be specifically strengthened.

This is exactly where couples counseling and couples therapy come in: they help couples understand the causes of dissatisfaction, break out of entrenched patterns, and develop new perspectives.

Relationship problems do not necessarily mean the end of a partnership. If you take the warning signs seriously and seek support in time, you may be able to avoid a breakup and strengthen your partnership.

If you notice the first signs of dissatisfaction in your relationship, don't wait until the tipping point. In my couples counseling, we can work together to find ways to save your relationship and bring your partnership back to life.